


My love is spice and fire

by PandaFlower



Category: Naruto
Genre: Itama is a sweet bunny, Izuna is terrified and aroused, M/M, Serious Title With Crack Contents, This is that premise, Tobirama wingmanning like a pro, You know that premise where someone bites a popsicle and you vow never to mess with them?, no really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 15:10:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12038505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaFlower/pseuds/PandaFlower
Summary: (who sets my mouth a-blaze)Izuna is pretty certain that as cute as Itama is, he isn't Uchiha Spouse material. Tobirama politely begs to differ.





	My love is spice and fire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [puzzle_shipper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/puzzle_shipper/gifts).



> This isn't for your birthday puzzle_shipper (as far as you know) but I was inspired and thought you might like it.

 

Peace with the Senju was _weird,_ Izuna concluded months after the treaty was forged and the village was half built. Peace was weird. Senju were weird. The Senju _brothers_ were weird. Possibly the weirdest thing out of the whole bunch so far now that he thought about it.

It wasn’t that he didn’t understand why they were so insanely protective of their youngest; Sage knows it feels like they only managed to keep as many as they did by the skin of their teeth. And Itama was a medic, an unbelievably valuable commodity, they’d be fools not to be protective. Especially with how sweet and earnest and cute—

Hey, Izuna was an Uchiha, he had the keenest sight in all of Fire Country, of course he noticed.

It’s just, Itama was, he was—

“He’s a bunny,” Izuna frowned at the ceiling, leaning precariously back in his chair.

“Who is?” Tobirama asked, brow furrowed as he shuffled his paperwork back into order. Izuna didn’t know why he even bothered, it wasn’t like the latest meeting covered new ground. Just a bunch of squabbles reworded and rephrased to _sound_ like different issues.

“Your brother, Itama. _Duh_ ,” Izuna flicked a wad of crumpled scrap paper at his long time rival, smirking at his annoyed scowl.

“Is that what you really think?” Tobirama stared at him with clear judgment. “So much for genjutsu artists being more discerning of reality.”

“What are you saying?” Izuna leaned forward until all four of his chairs legs hit the floor with a clatter. “He is! He stutters, he squeaks, why just the other day I saw him get overwhelmed by civilians. _Civilians!_ ”

Tobirama stared at him long enough for it to get awkward.

“Having a sharingan must make it easy to self-delude,” he said at last. He stuffed his papers into a folder and tucked them neatly under his arm, walking briskly to the door.

“Rude!” Izuna exclaimed, “I’m just calling it like I see it!”

“Then you haven’t seen enough,” Tobirama retorted, pausing in the doorway. “My brother is kind and not prone to violence. That doesn’t mean he can’t be scary.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Izuna shrugged indolently, already bored of this conversation.

Tobirama shot him an uncomfortably considering look and left.

Izuna suppressed a shiver. His rival wasn’t actually a cat but sometimes his mannerisms got awfully close. But whatever! Izuna was right and Tobirama was blinded by his love for his little brother and his inclination to indulge him in all his whims.

Izuna hadn’t been exaggerating in the least, okay? He’s literally never seen Itama without Itama ducking his head shyly, stuttering when Izuna tried to talk to him, and he blushed at the drop of a hat! What was up with that? What kind of shinobi wore their feelings on their sleeve like that?

Also, his hair was super fluffy. He was a fluffy bunny, it all fit.

Izuna was a genjutsu _artist_ , alright? Discerning the truth of reality in order to twist it to his whims was what he did best, and he was the best at what he did. Izuna nodded to himself, completely certain in his assessment of the youngest Senju. He was cute, Izuna would admit that freely, but the Uchiha have no interest in those who couldn’t hold their own.

* * *

“Scorpion peppers, fresh from Wind Country!” Izuna crowed, shoving the handbasket of tiny pink peppers in Tobirama’s scowling face. “A little essence of these babies on some senbon and someone is going to have the worst day of their lives.”

“A little essence of what?” Itama asked, drifting away from a conversation on the other side of the room. Tobirama absently tucked him against his side.

Izuna grinned smugly, derailing his rival’s relevant conversation topics during meetings was the _highlight of his life_ , no lie. Getting others to unwittingly play along was just icing on the cake. Especially if it was one of his brothers.

Izuna proffered the basket of pink peppers, opening his mouth for another spiel on the burning pain he could inflict on his enemies, anticipating Itama’s squeak of dismay—

“Oh! Scorpion peppers!” Itama plucked a pepper and stuffed it in his mouth, chewing enthusiastically with a pleased hum. “I love these.”

Normally, Izuna would have perked in interest of other possible happy noises he could draw from someone cute but he was a little distracted by his own existential horror. He stared, transfixed, as Itama popped another pepper in his mouth, seemingly immune to the _agonising, soul melting burn_ of the _fourth hottest pepper_ in the entire Elemental Continent.

“Mhm, Izuna got them for you,” Tobirama smirked evilly, which what, what was he talking about? He most certainly hadn’t! “As a gift,” Tobirama added.

Itama went wide eyed, a fetching pink flush crawling up his cheeks from either shyness or spicy heat. “Really? Thank you Izuna,” Itama smiled at him, oh god, why was he smiling at him. He was, oh sweet _sage_ , crunching on another pepper from the depths of desert hell and emitting _sparkles_.

Izuna frantically jabbed himself in the side. Discreetly. Because he was a shinobi.

No change.

Oh god, the terror was real.

Itama leaned in and kissed his cheek affectionately, always so affectionate. It immediately started to burn. Izuna whimpered. Itama paid it no mind as he took the basket.

“These are my favorite. You just made my whole day,” Itama smiled sweetly again, “which I really needed because some of these people don’t seem to understand that when I say the hospital is currently underfunded, I mean it’s really underfunded. I’ve had a time and a half trying to argue with them.”

Thank every little kami, Tobirama decided to have mercy and interrupted. Itama was a bit of a chatterbox, he’d natter away for hours about anything and everything if you let him. It was super cute. How he could still feel his tongue after three scorpion peppers was a mystery for the ages. Izuna certainly couldn’t feel his cheek anymore under the burning.

“Itama, why don’t you go offer them some peppers?” Tobirama suggested, like it wasn’t the height of pure evil. “Perhaps they’ll be more amenable after a snack.”

Itama brightened, “That’s a good idea. I know you’re usually much more agreeable after eating.”

Tobirama hummed agreeably and chivvied Itama gently back to the Elders he’d been politely arguing with, shoulders twitching with suppressed laughter when they blanched at the sight of the basket’s contents. One of them actually swayed on the spot when Itama crunched a pepper between his teeth.

“That’s the fourth hottest pepper on the continent,” Izuna said faintly.

“Indeed.”

“It’s the main ingredient in the Curry of Life,” he continued, voice rising with burgeoning hysteria.

“Itama eats it at least once a week, it’s his absolute favorite meal,” Tobirama said, seemingly nonchalant but he couldn’t fool Izuna. He was enjoying this! Izuna seethed. Or he would if he wasn’t panicking about how casually someone who Izuna had firmly pegged as a bunny had just dominated him without even trying.

Oh god, if he kissed him properly Izuna might actually die.

But what a way to go…

“I can’t feel this side of my face,” Izuna whimpered. Seriously, ow. It felt like it was on fire.

Tobirama patted him on the cheek, the burning cheek because he was an incurable bastard. “I hope you like milk,” he said, smirking, “you’re going to need a lot of it.”

Milk. He could do that.

Itama looked over and smiled, and Izuna smiled helplessly back.

Uchiha were experts at wooing scary people after all.

 

* * *

 


End file.
